Waiting on the world to change

Some people may think I’m crazy for waiting, or for think that we’re going to get married one day. Sometimes I even think I’m crazy. But Heavenly Father has told us so many times that we are meant to be together. And every time I think about you and our future I feel the spirit so strongly it’s overwhelming, and it just reassures me even more that we’re going to be together forever

Here’s a little change in poetry.

Have you ever really thought about life, and your role here on earth? Like the things you see, the things you do, and why they all happen? Or how god has you plan for you? 

 

The other day I was shopping at Maurice’s, my favorite store these days, and I saw this little girl, she was probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and just seeing her, just for that brief moment, made my realize how much I want children, and how I cant wait to be older and to start my own family. I’m far far too young to do it now. 

 

I was thinking about that moment, and what it had done to me, just that little interaction. And I started to wonder, Do you ever think that god has your whole life planned out for you already, that he know every time you’re gonna trip and fall, and all the sins you’re going to commit before he even sends you to Earth? That maybe he has the whole track of your life specific planned for you, and that everything you see, everything you do, every mistake you make, it all happens for a specific reason. That he already know how you will react to a situation? That even though we have a choice in our decision, that he knew long before we did what our choice would be? 

 

I mean really think about that? It was him who gave his only son for us, and even after that he sends us down here only to make more mistakes and only to fail him more, to hurt him more, to be selfish. He gives so much for us, and he’s always giving us chance after chance, he knows us better than we know ourselves, and through him we can do anything. The closer we are to our father in heaven, the wiser we are, the better we are, the more Christ like we are, the more we make his many gracious sacrifices meaningful, well maybe meaningful is the wrong word, the more we give them reason, and good reason at that. 

when I’m missing you and my mind starts to wonder.

Sometimes late at night, or not even late night, pretty much whenever I’m just sitting around, not really doing anything, any time that my mind can actually start to think on its own, without my control, whens its been a while since we last talked, when its been forever actually. and granted there are many reason for that, like he doesn’t have a phone, or face book, or my new address, he’s gone at his gold mine, all sorts of stuff… but still sometimes when i’m just laying here thinking about him, missing him, and wondering if hes even tried to get a hold of me, i start wondering, maybe if i had been Mormon my whole life, or maybe if i was more Mormon, if i was the perfect me that i could be, maybe then he’d try harder, maybe then he’d actually miss me, or call me, or anything. and i know that’s just the devil trying to get me, to doubt our love, and our power, because together we are so spiritually powerful and he wants to weaken that… i know that what I think isn’t true, but sometimes the temptations to think poorly on myself due the fact of missing him so much, is just unbearable to deny. 

Late night thoughts

I’m in just laying in bed, thinking about him and all our many memories like I do every night. Wishing I could be with him right now, snuggled up watching movies, and realizing how much I took the little things for granted, if I could go back, I’d be more than enthusiastic about everything that he ever did for me. But I know he knows I appreciate him and all that he does, and I know he knows I love him more than anything. I just wished I showed it more while I had the opportunity. It 12:44 in the morning and I just want you by my side. Oh and by the way, today’s his birthday.

A flashback In Time

Here’s a little history to get us started.

It was the beginning of my junior year, the first time I saw him, standing there with his buddies in the hallway, laughing, he was perfect. I never really looked into it, or into him, I always just figured he was too far out of my league. little did I know he had felt the same about me.

A year later we ended up in a class together, nothing too special, we honestly didn’t really even talk, until of course we did. It was cute really, the first time we had an actually conversation, see in Chemistry class we would do these question of the day things, to prepare us for the SAT or something, anyways, everyday our teacher would pick a new person to read the question, He, my missionary in training, had just read the question the day before, but I didn’t really over think it, I should have. side story: He’s not one to down play things, everything he does, he does full-heartedly and he ALWAYS goes all out. Homecoming was just around the corner, right? Well this is how my life with my missionary began, and everyday I’m still grateful for it. He finished reading the question, and he turns around to the class and says he has one more question for everyone, next thing I hear is “Do you think DPS will say “yes” to going to homecoming with me?” Every face in that class room turned to look at me. I know for a fact I turned bright red when the squeaky squeal of a yes somehow managed to emerge from my lips.

We’ve been inseparable ever since.

Nothing for us has ever really been easy, but it has always been perfect. See I wasn’t Mormon when I met him, and I know what you’re thinking, “oh she got baptized for a boy,” trust me I’ve heard it all before, But doing something FOR someone and BECAUSE of someone are two totally different things. I did not get baptized for him, I did start going to church for him, But nothing after that was for him, everything from then on out, from returning to church the following Sunday to the first time I really knew the church was true has been all for me. It’s one thing to start a certain path for someone, but you wouldn’t keep widening and elongating the trail, especially through all the battles, if it wasn’t for yourself. 

OUR FIRST STRUGGLES:

My Mormon comes from a very, very, spiritual and strict Mormon family, which is one of the things I love about him, but also one of our biggest struggles. If any of you are Mormon or not Mormon, you should know of their strict dating rules, no serious dating til you return from your mission or are of 18 years of age. Well his parents stuck by that rule. So that has always been a battle, They go back and fourth a lot, one day it’s okay for us to be together, the next day were too serious for how young we are. If you asked me, the world puts far to many rules on love.

Then there’s his best friend, who I honestly do love to death, both of them actually, but they just get on my nerves, they have that “he was mine first so go away” mentality about him. I mean in most cases I don’t mind, boys need their “bro” time and girls need girl time. But his friends I feel just try to sabotage our whole relationship 90% of the time. First of, one did sabotage the whole stinking school year, which we barely made it out of alive. and the second one hits on me when my boy isn’t around, whether he’s kidding or not, it still makes me feel uneasy, and I have told him that,not to mention he always tell me how my missionary and I should be “just friends,” sorry to disappoint, but that won’t be happening. Plus they both try to over throw our plans when we have them. Maybe its just a jealousy thing, I couldn’t tell ya.

STRUGGLE TWO:

Though we are the same age, I turned 18 in November, he turns 18 in four days, he still has a whole year of high school left, while I on the other hand am heading off to BYU-I in two months. Not to mention right now I’m living in Washington with my mom for the summer, And he is in Alaska, where he fails to own a cellphone and doesn’t have facebook, so I really have no way to talk to him. Which is exactly what his dad wanted, so I guess he got his way, as always.

STRUGGLE THREE:

In a year he will be going on a two year mission, I am so proud and so grateful to have such a wonderful boy like him in my life and know he is going to go do wonderful things and he is going to bring so many people unto Christ, and I am so excited for him, for that. Two years is a long time, and for us it is more like three years when you think about it. But when I think of all the good he is going to do out there, it just makes me wish I could go with him, and do that good myself, which I know I technically can, but that’s another story for a another day.

WHY/ HOW WE BOTH DEAL:

Not too long ago, my missionary, had fasted and prayed, to figure out if we were suppose to be together forever, he told me, that god had confirmed with him that we are suppose to be together forever, probably one of the most comforting and cute things he’s ever said to me, not to mention also one of my favorite memories. I always knew that was the case, but with all the struggles and trials we go through sometimes you doubt. and though I know that he received confirmation, i tried to receive some of my own. I have on multiple occasions been confirmed of this as well, god told me 1) to stick through it cause we’re suppose to be together. 2) When I received my patriarchal blessing, I prayed that god would give me a sign I would marry him, I asked to say things specifically and he did. 3) Every time i have ever doubted it, which happens a lot more than I wish it would, god always reassures me that, we will be together, the most recent one was I was talking with my mom about whether I should wait for him and what waiting for him entitled, she had told me if I really cared about him and if I really did believe that god wants us to be together (which i do) then waiting for him shouldn’t be hard at all, the next night we were eating Chinese food, and when I ate my fortune cookie, I was more than pleased and excited with my fortune its exact words were “Your loyalties will be rewarded” now if that’s not a sign from god, well I don’t know what is.

 

Waiting for him isn’t the hard part, It just the fear of me thinking he’ll find someone better, because I truly don’t know what I have ever done to deserve such a wonderful boy in my life. I love him more than I love my own self, and each day he keeps me growing and improving. I am so thankful for him.