Sometimes late at night, or not even late night, pretty much whenever I’m just sitting around, not really doing anything, any time that my mind can actually start to think on its own, without my control, whens its been a while since we last talked, when its been forever actually. and granted there are many reason for that, like he doesn’t have a phone, or face book, or my new address, he’s gone at his gold mine, all sorts of stuff… but still sometimes when i’m just laying here thinking about him, missing him, and wondering if hes even tried to get a hold of me, i start wondering, maybe if i had been Mormon my whole life, or maybe if i was more Mormon, if i was the perfect me that i could be, maybe then he’d try harder, maybe then he’d actually miss me, or call me, or anything. and i know that’s just the devil trying to get me, to doubt our love, and our power, because together we are so spiritually powerful and he wants to weaken that… i know that what I think isn’t true, but sometimes the temptations to think poorly on myself due the fact of missing him so much, is just unbearable to deny.
I’m in just laying in bed, thinking about him and all our many memories like I do every night. Wishing I could be with him right now, snuggled up watching movies, and realizing how much I took the little things for granted, if I could go back, I’d be more than enthusiastic about everything that he ever did for me. But I know he knows I appreciate him and all that he does, and I know he knows I love him more than anything. I just wished I showed it more while I had the opportunity. It 12:44 in the morning and I just want you by my side. Oh and by the way, today’s his birthday.